Vampires Suck (2010)

Cinema Sweetheart's Rating: 9 out of 10

Director: Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer

Starring: Jenn Proske, Matt Lanter, Diedrich Bader

Rated: PG-13

Genre: Comedy

Runtime: 82 minutes

I’m sure all of you have heard about the Twilight series in one way or another.  Either you watch the movies; read the books; obsess about sparkly vampires and hot, shirtless werewolves; or you have a sister, aunt, mother, or girlfriend who does.  Either way, terms like Team Edward and the Cullens have become pretty engrained in all of our minds.  And, for many of us, the Twilight craze is becoming a little too much.  (I sincerely apologize to all the Twi-hards (oh god I just said it!) that I have offended with that last statement).  So, if you’re a real hard-core fan of Twilight, you might want to look for a different movie.  This does not glamorize the image of a sexy vampire and a too-hot-to-touch werewolf.  In fact, I’d say that it fairly rips the film apart.

Becca Crane (Proske) is a sullen teenager who is sent to live with her father, Frank (Bader) up in Sporks, Washington, after a long absence.  Once there, she finds herself entrenched in a world of vampires, but, oblivious as she is, cannot figure out what is so unusual about the town.  She falls for the handsome but brooding Edward Sullen (Lanter), a vampire who is afraid he won’t be able to control his urges to kill her (which of course does nothing to prevent him from creeping around her house at night).  At the same time, Becca finds herself the love interest of Jacob White (Chris Riggi), who claims that ever since puberty set in, he’s been feeling a bit different (which might account for all the excessive body hair, tail, and sudden urges to chase cats).  As she struggles to win Edward’s heart and friend-zone Jacob, Becca must also fight to stay alive as she’s pursued by three other vampires who want to eat her.  Things all come to a head at her vampire-themed prom (yeah, I know).

Most of the time, these spoof movies are often looked at as B-grade crap.  However, I thought that Vampires Suck was tremendously funny, leaving me belly-laughing so badly that I could barely breath.  Diedrich Bader is hilarious as Becca’s dad Frank.  His misplaced concern and screwed up priorities could only be humorous in the venue of the film spoof, but are nevertheless more than enjoyable to watch.  After having seen Bader in Meet the Spartans (2008), I was expecting something pretty sweet from him in this film, and was not disappointed.  In fact, I think he made me laugh in every scene he appeared in!

Matt Lanter and Chris Riggi managed to pull off the difficult task of being both funny and adorable at the same time.  No offense to Twilight fangirls, but Pattinson and Lautner just do not compare!  Lanter and Riggi, on the other hand, had me and my gal pals not only laughing until our sides hurt, but also fantasizing about these two adorable young men.  They were wonderful!  Co-star Jenn Proske also managed to bring a certain depth to her character that was not found in Kristen Stewart’s Bella Swan.  This actress can actually act, and she’s funny!  A star cast all around!

Vampires Suck is a great film for anyone who is sick to death of the whole Twilight craze, anyone who has enjoyed past spoofs from Friedburg and Seltzer such as Scary Movie (2000), Disaster Movie (2008), Meet the Spartans (2008), and Epic Movie (2007).  Also, if you’re just looking for a good, side-splitting comedy that doesn’t require you to think too hard, then this is just what you’re looking for!  (Perfect for unwinding with some friends after a long, stressful week).